God Is Stupid

God has cursed us with bowel movements. Pooping and pissing are an incredible design flaw of the human body. Leaving me to believe that God may be all powerful, but he's not all smart.


Don't tell me that God created us perfect, in his image, therefor our bodily functions are perfect. Has God ever had to run to a bathroom because his ass was going to explode on a city street? Desperately 'HE' tries find a a place to drop the kids off at the pool, being turned away like the Virgin Mary from inn to inn, and forcing 'HIM' to shit in a barn. No he hasn't.  By show of hands, how many of you have squatted behind a car because a bathroom was not available? Don't lie bitches!


It would not be so bad if we only had to do number 1 and 2, once or twice a week. But three to four times a day is ridiculous! Or on the other side of the spectrum, your so backed up you become impacted and have to take a butt load of laxatives to get your body to do to the rotten thing it was created to do- crap!


Let's also discuss the impact bowel movements have on the environment: methane gas, toilet paper, water, and sewage. If a scientist could create a pill that would eliminate bowel movements, global warming would be stopped dead in its tracks. Come on scientist, get cracking!


When it's my time and I am in line waiting to enter the pearly gates, heaven forbid there is not a bathroom around. I have no problem dropping trough behind a cloud and leaving it up Saint Peter to clean up the mess.


The dead mothers club

Hello gentle Americans. I am coming out of a long slumber and will begin my weekly blog posts. Truth be told, after my mother died (4years ago) depression took hold. Things that I used to enjoy doing (writing, blogging and such) just fell away without me even realizing it. I have become the Rip Van Winkle of drag sect and am slowly opening my eyes, trying to connect with the things that used to be bring me joy. 

Being part of the dead mothers club has been a difficult journey. But of course there is humor to it all. When someone asks about my parents, I look them in the eyes and say, "My mother is dead." No emotion, just very mater of factly. I do not tell them how she died. Could it be a boating accident, hot air balloon disaster or a freak fall off a cruise ship? I leave that up to the listener. What's the point of having a dead mother if you can't use her for dramatic purposes?  

Stay fresh, 

x Hedda Lettuce  



drawing by Hedda Lettuce  

A few of my favorite things

My food tastes are that of a 7 year old. 

1) a beauty filter

2)diet doctor pepper

3) walking outdoors

4) abolene makeup remover

5) my dog Lupe  

6) the series Arrested Development  

7) cherry pie

8) pizza

9) chocolate milk

10) when I connect with am audience  



Mommie Dearest Interactive! Holloween night.


I am so excited to see my name on the marque at the @villageeastcinema -Monday, October 31st I am presenting Mommie Dearest Interactive! With special guest star @aldarutanya aka Carol Ann from the movie. Tickets are on sale now at 


Sketch book memories

Drawings from my sketch book are a visual diary. When I look back on them I can vividly recall what was going on at that point in my life.  

This Particular time I was sketching daily. Pencil drawing always bring me great pleasure, whether they are mine or others. 

Whether your a professional or  a non-artist (which I don't believe. I feel everyone is an artist), try sketching daily and see what comes up. And then a month from now look back at your sketches  and see what memories emerge.

sketching goes deeper than just written diaries; touching a primal place within our being, before words even came out of our mouth.   

Stay fresh,